moustache rides
Um. As you all probably might have guessed by now, I am not perturbed by the subtle undercurrent of homoeroticism in Metal Gear.

I, however, wasn't really prepared for Metal Gear 2 convincing me that Snake has a king-sized crush on Dr Pettrovich Madnar.

IT'S NOT EVEN SUBTLE. THERE'S CONVERSATIONS WHICH GO LIKE

NATASHA: Strange.
SNAKE: Yeah. Pettrovich looks so damn good even though he's old.
NATASHA: ...No, I meant that there's a moody superclone with a shady past and an awful haircut, an ex-ice skater turned secret agent to find her lost love, and a mad scientist, all running through the sewers of the world's shittiest country after having been chased by giant autonomous bulldozers in order to speak Czech to a genius scientist who doesn't understand any English except the word 'help' despite being a computer programmer and expert biogeneticist.
SNAKE: ...Yeah, that might be what you mean.

^ ONLY LOOSELY PARAPHRASED

SNAKE SPENDS PRETTY MUCH ALL HIS DIALOGUE WITH PETTRO FLIRTING WITH HIM, IT'S INSANE. AND PETTRO JUST KIND OF ROLLS HIS EYES AND SIGHS.

I love Pettrovich as a character, though. I mean, he's basically just Evil!Sokolov, but I find that makes him more interesting. He's clearly tortured by what he has to do, but he's too principled to whine about it (like Otacon does) - and at the same time, too principled to view things objectively. I also like that despite being an old scientist he does more physical stuff than any of the scientists in the later canon - an escort mission, a BOSS FIGHT, and he comes VERY CLOSE TO KILLING SNAKE WITH HIS BARE HANDS - no genetically-engineered viruses or remote-control robots for him; he doesn't even use stealth camo. I think he might be my favourite early canon character.

VAGUE HEADCANON EXTRAPOLATIONRY FROM SNAKE'S CRUSH ON PETTRO:

- Snake was immediately reminded of Pettro by Otacon, hence his immediate affection (HEY Y0U'RE LIKE PETTRO LET'S BE FRIENDS)/reticence (PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME SHOOT YOU WITH MISSILES)/frustration (PETTROVICH WAS AWESOME, YOU MADE A DEATH MACHINE BY ACCIDENT AND SUCK BY COMPARISON) upon first meeting them for MGS1.
- Old Snake grew his moustache in memory of Pettro. :{D

ALSO SNAKE WATCHES WOMEN'S FIGURE SKATING. IT'S CANON AND I LOVE THAT IT IS CANON.

DISCLAIMER: These aren't my slash goggles, okay? I ship Snake with Natasha like a fire on a cake. I don't fancy Pettro, but I wouldn't mind it if he was my granddad. Snake, however, is hot, as long as I pretend he didn't have such a bad character design in this game. Also Natasha looks like a blonde Amy Winehouse. Not awesome.