Nightmare's over. I'm free.
I BEAT METAL GEAR 2


NOT MUCH META FOR YOU, SADLY, BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE THE TIME

BUT THE GAME IS AWESOME, I LIKED EVERYONE, AND IT WAS MORE FUN THAN MGS4 (although frustratingly hard at times). Also it was completely dazzlingly stupid. But once you get into the lull it's HONEST TO GOD AN AMAZING GAME DSJKHFSDJHF


Bits of meta:

- HAMSTERS that is all

- I love how Snake's too nervous to jump off the tower building even though the little kid says he does it for skydiving practice (also that 'if I had a hang-glider I would fly much further' - WTF BOSS ARE YOU JUST THROWING KIDS OFF BALCONIES I wouldn't put this past him oh god that's horrible). It's quite a nice little bit of character for him that you can't make him jump unless you've calmed him down. He must be scared of heights. Poor thing.

It's quite funny that in MGS2 Otacon actually tells Snake that 'I know you're into high places'. Snake's either a compulsive thrillseeker or tries to overcompensate for his old phobias - either would make sense with his character.

- It's very noble of Pettrovich to basically go against everything he wanted for the sake of his daughter. Also, Snake was clearly very fond of Pettro, which was probably why it took him so long to figure out what Pettro had done to Marv.

- After Snake's defeat of Big Boss, pretty much everything he says is a joke. Holly even tells him to start being serious and he doesn't. I assume that they were aiming at the time for giddy/freed/more positive after he defeated Big Boss and freed himself for the 'nightmares'. But, in light of what happens to him next, it's really pretty creepy. He acts like someone having a subtle mental breakdown.

I did legitimately laugh at some of his jokes, though, which means I need a new sense of humour because they were dreadful. The line about combat rations slayed me because after having used them to lure pigeons, ambush hamsters and neutralise sulphuric acid you really are fed up with the rations.

....I just realised it would be horribly fitting to write horrible MG2 smutfic using the items as lubes. EGGSHELLS. AN OWL. COLD MEDICINE. MELTED CHEESE. MELTED CHOCOLATE. COFFEE. LIGHTER FLUID. WHY IS THIS ALL COMING SO EASILY AAAAAGH

- I find I really like Holly. Basically, she was almost totally independent. Other than getting captured once, she doesn't need Snake to do anything for her at all. I found that quite charming. Her attitude was nice, too, with the wonderful fluctuations between 'nice' and 'completely callous bitchery'. "LOL I DON'T CARE IF THE FIRST WOMAN EVER TO CARE ABOUT YOU AS A PERSON HAS DIED IN YOUR ARMS AND YOUR BEST FRIEND HAS BETRAYED YOU AND IS TRYING TO KILL YOU WITH A NUCLEAR TANK, WANNA HEAR ABOUT WHAT I SAW AT A THANKSGIVING PARADE YEARS AGO SURE YOU DO IT WAS A HANGGLIDER BYEEEEE"

In fact, one of the jokes Snake makes is that being chased by a gang of soldiers is 'hard work but good exercise', which is pretty much exactly what Holly said to him if he called up during the stairway chase.

Also it's really cute how her ponytail bounces as she walks, eeee.

- Even at this stage, the 'happy ending' feels unsettling. The fact that despite Snake's assertions that he can be free now and he can live the life he wants, the enemies he kills are constantly saying no, you're going to fight for your entire life.

- The ending theme is really pretty. It would make a nice piano arrangement. Holly's Theme is very nice as well. I like the eerie Scientists theme. The music in this game was really good, actually.

- ZANZIBAR LAND IS SUCH A SHITTY COUNTRY. IT'S EVEN A CRAPPY FORTRESS WITH ONLY ONE TOILET AND STUPID ELEVATOR PUZZLES AND AN ELEVATOR IN THE WOMEN'S BATHROOM I HAVE NO IDEA HOW HE MANAGED TO GET AS FAR AS HE DID DAMN BIG BOSS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU did he eat too many poisonous Zanzibar hamsters or something god





Campbell seems to think Snake is being influenced by action movies.



Snake has a hysterical Cid Highwind run in this game. It's adorable.




WORST SUPPORT TEAM EVER well, that's a lie, the support team in Metal Gear was worse BUT THIS TEAM IS STILL PRETTY BAD

IN TERMS OF SUPPORT TEAM AWESOMENESS, THE GAMES BASICALLY GO:

MG1 < MG2 < MPO < MGS4 < MGGB < MGS1 < MGS3 < MGS2

AND CURIOUSLY, MY OWN PERSONAL 'OVERALL GAME AWESOMENESS' RANKING GOES

MG1 < MG2 < MPO < MGS4 < MGGB < MGS1 < MGS3 < MGS2

HMM. COINCIDENCE?!



PLAYING VIDEO GAMES STAVES OFF LONELINESS ;____;




Okay, enough of Miller's incredible usefulness.



I ship these two soldiers. They're standing alone in the room, and they talk to each other and occasionally glance up at the screen. It's really cute.

"That huge TOWER BUILDING... it's as hard as I am for you."
"♥♥♥"



Note the 'GAS' indicator in the top right.

"HOLLY I'M DYING OF GAS"
"CAN'T TALK NOW GO EAT A DICK"



Is he hitting on me?



When you get the BB ZL Corp members out of their suits, they are all freed from their respective emotion and do provocative poses for Snake. Note Black Color's shapely spine. He doesn't have the butt, though.





It's pretty clear Big Boss meant for Snake to complete this mission. It's kind of the inverse of how he never meant for Snake to complete the mission in MG1.



I'd say this was COMPLETELY UNHEALTHY but then I realised that the person she knew for THIRTY SECONDS was Solid Snake at the age of twenty-three. He was probably bishietastic at that age.



I love the little square children here.



I love this line, because it ties in with the whole idea of soldiers losing their place that comes up again and again. I suppose the game asks if it's okay to make yourself redundant and lose your whole reason to live, but accept it because the winds are blowing that way - wasn't the MSX on its way out at this point? Did this tie in with Kojima as the developer losing his place in a growing industry? And this game was made EIGHTEEN YEARS before MGS4?

...Then again, this is a game with poison hamsters and pigeon hunting and a protagonist who watches women's figure skating so I don't honestly know if there's any legitimate meta.



THIS IS AN UNUSUAL CHOICE OF WORDS AFTER YOU PLAY MGS4

Also, 'alive' - again, implying Snake was supposed to survive until the end.



I, GARLAND, SHALL KNOCK YOU ALL DOWN



BUT HE'S WEARING GREEN

IS SNAKE JUST PROFOUNDLY COLOURBLIND



I'm not going to give you any context for this screenshot because it makes about as much sense as this screenshot on its own.



Again, no context. I caught this when Snake was blinking but oh god his expression is flawless. "You know what? I don't care any more."



Considering BB is all about EQUALITY and his two favourite women in the world are both ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING this makes NO SENSE and I personally retcon it out for the sake of my own brain.






Deep.

Well, it would be if she wasn't standing next to A GODDAMN RIVER BUT



Worst working environment ever



ROOM FULL OF DUMMIES BIG BOSS WHAT THE GOD IS WRONG WITH YOU



....Maybe I'm reading too far into it, but -



.....Hmm.



NEXT GENERATION OF STEALTH



sorry i'll be more mature



Snake's a smooth bastard. Note the seductive little pause before he purrs 'Pettrovich'.



But Pettro plays hard to get. IT ONLY MAKES SNAKE WANT HIM MORE /r/ snake/pettro porn



I love how horrible the sewer is. That's a car tyre. Excellent.



That line comes back again in MGS1, of course. Fully voice-acted, too.



SNAKE BREATHING IN THE SCENT OF A DEAD WOMAN FROM HER BROOCH OH GOD SNAKE WHY ARE YOU SO INCREDIBLY CREEPY



FIRST ONE IN THE TIMELINE SO AWESOME



I let this guy see me. He immediately bolts out of the door. There's this really long pause (alert still going) and then he comes back fully dressed (I killed him). Incidentally, Snake mentions that he 'likes a sauna now and then' in MGS1. I wonder if that was a reference to this?



This line is supposed to be threatening but all I can think of are nine year old girls sending notes to each other.





This is kind of a series catchphrase by now.



I LOVE HOW MUCH YOZEF CARES ABOUT ME ☺♥☺♥☺♥☺



SEXUALLY



DDDDDDDD8

I love this part because Snake just stands there like a moron with his hands flat against his body despite the fact that his best friend has just set him on fire



HELL YEAH this is one of my favourite Snakeisms in the whole canon

BONUS FEATURE: MY FAVOURITE SNAKEISMS:

MG1 - ¬I WILL GO BACK NOW. ....OVER¬
MG2 - ¬FOX! I'LL KICK YOUR TWISTED MIND OUT OF YOU!¬
MGGB - "Bombs have a way of making me run faster."
MGS1 - "He'll be sliced up faster than an onion in an infomercial!!"
MGS2 - "THERE'S MINES AROUND THERE!" "WHY WOULD THERE BE MINES HERE?" "BECAUSE SOMEBODY PUT THEM THERE."
MGS3 - N/A/Snake was a chromosome at this point
MPO - ditto
MGS4 - It's not verbal, but the part where he was smoking into the extraction fan on the cooker so Otacon didn't notice, it was beautiful



WOULD LIKE VIDEOS OF THIS LOVE PLZ SNAEK



I find it interesting that Snake was given Fox's title, and it was higher-ranking than his own, and yet he chose not to use it. Even knowing he would be going against Fox's dying wishes, he still didn't use it. Maybe he used Fox's name in Alaska for a while.



Oh come on, Fox, it's not that hard to find. No harder to find than the prostate, at any rate.




This is basically the only line with any personality Campbell gets in this whole game, and it's - rather sad. "Yeah, I know you loved that guy, but you have to kill him now. Don't fail me." OH SNAKE AND CAMPBELL YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS SO CREEPY CODEPENDENT I LOVE IT



Kessler goes on a monologue about how amazing Big Boss is and Snake responds with a DUDE JUST SHUT UP. He was clearly in a lot of emotional pain at this point.



I LOVE THIS DANGLING SEQUEL HOOK WHICH GOES NOWHERE



And a final bit of meta.

Kio Marv (VRAM 01K) was an MSX developer who died trying to get his cartridge out to the world. If Marv is Kojima then he did make a game that 'saved us all' - saved Snake from being in games like Snake's Revenge again - but he destroyed himself in the process.

Kojima had no idea how much he would end up destroying himself in this process, BUT THAT'S A STORY HE WOULD TELL IN MGS4 AND YOU WOULD ALL CRY LIKE BITCHES AT IT



IN CONCLUSION Snake's butt in this game sucks. But so does the rest of his character design so I can mentally retcon it out.